In any goal – weight loss, business, writing, clutter clearing or even conscious life design – we would sure like to leap over the bumpy beginning parts and move directly into easy flow. Who wouldn't want to quickly integrate those habits that carry us through to completion and beyond; the good habits that become automatic, parts of our normal routine.
Those bumpy beginning parts feel crappy. They are often the obstacles that keeps success at bay. It doesn’t have to be that way.
Finding people to share your journey can mean hiring a coach or joining an intimate circle of fellow travelers. At The Purple Ink Cafe, we call them wisdom circles. Either way those bumpy parts will become smoother. You'll find yourself asking and answering small questions that draw out your wisdom and expertise (as well as that of fellow master mind members if you’ve chosen that route), that illuminate your best habits and mindsets and that will propel you toward your goal. Breaking these habits down to manageable small steps make you want to continue. Those steps build and power a rhythm of sustainable momentum. Maybe even that desirable ease and flow!
Whether in a coaching relationship or a wisdom circle, there is always time set aside for celebrations of what you’ve gotten done. We so often forget to give ourselves a pat on the back. And there is always something deserving of that pat.
There’s also time reserved for getting something done. Your coach or circle facilitator creates and holds space for you to get to take action that will leave you with a feeling of accomplishment.
And, there’s always an element of accountability – to yourself, your coach, your fellow circle members – that makes it easier to do the things that will lead to the habit that builds the momentum and powers you toward the finish line.
In a Wisdom Circle at The Purple Ink Cafe, we create an environment conducive to progress. It’s a place of readiness and pause in what can often be a hectic life. It's a time and place to get to what is most important rather than just the urgent.
You deserve that.
If you are looking at or in the midst of the second half of life, you might be facing some life questions and bumps yourself. Join Kathy Kane and Eileen Caroscio on October 19th at 7 pm ET (on Zoom) for a free event where you get to tell us your story and explore how our Creative Life Design Wisdom Circle might be the place to smooth those bumps.
Recently, I was reading a fitness blog. It asked the reader to guess the #1 habit needed to lose weight. Well, who wouldn’t be drawn in? Do you know what it was?
Find people to share your journey.
While the gist of the article was permanent lifestyle changes, the method of attainment applies universally.
The writer spoke of recognizing triggers, remembering to acknowledge successes and “creating a community of consistency”.
Let’s look at these ideas through the lens of The Purple Ink Café.
Triggers are things that initiate a process or reaction. At The Purple Ink Cafe, we look at triggers as prompts that activate thinking and move us in positive directions. They may be small questions, small rewards and/or small steps or leaps. The goal is to find the trigger, or the tool, that overcomes the obstacles that hold us back. This, in turn, leads to sustainable momentum and the desired change.
For us it SOP (standard operating procedure) to remind ourselves of what we’ve gotten done. Even those actions that seem so small. If you’re like many of us, you don’t give yourself enough credit for all you do. Taking the time to remember shifts us into success mode. It shines a light on our efforts and our process.
Do I love this world too much?
The rising chatter of the birds when the sun is but a thought on the horizon.
The rush of fresh morning air as I lean over the kitchen sink, open the window and gulp in the world.
The red winged black bird landing delicately on the tip of a cattail.
The butterflies dancing and beckoning on the path ahead of me
The Joe Pye weed, bursting with clusters of purple flowers that wave from the tips of the tall stems.
The mass of wild flowers perfectly arranged and color coordinated by a master designer.
Do I love this world enough?
Have you ever woken from a daytime dream wondering where you were and how you got there? Not from sleep but from the slumber of the daily grind. Someone has called your name. You pick your head up and find surprise in front of you.
My eyes startled open and I was gripped by a sense of loss. Years, opportunity, talent. Joy, freedom, enrichment, bird chatter, wildflowers and invigorating morning air.
I didn’t stay there. Instead, I began a journey back to myself. Like many personal journeys it wasn’t without obstacles and flying monkeys. I doubted myself, regrouped, whined and gradually forged ahead. For me there was no other way.
Many of us have, or will have, this experience as we step into the middle of our life. We never really know when that is. Given longer life expectancies, 50 could very well be the middle. Let’s assume it is. That’s a lot of time to live. It’s also a lot of life to live.
Where do you start once you’ve woken up?
I’m committed. To writing #my500words a day. For 31 days. I started a few days ago but was feeling waffly. Therefore, I’ve re-committed.
Why am I doing it?
Mainly, to develop a habit. I have it on my calendar to remind me in the morning. It’s almost 8 pm but I still had to do this because it was weighing on my mind. I’d prefer to do it early in the morning or earlier in the day. But I’m doing it now because, as I said, it’s on my mind and I’ve committed to developing a writing practice.
What will I write?
I can free write, use prompts, do business writing, blog posts, work on my book. I had to go back and change “a” to “my” in front of the word book. I’ve been thinking about it and writing it and now I’m announcing it out loud. Yes,I'm writing a book. I will refrain from talking about it at the moment. My goal is to solidify a writing habit that will power the completion of my book. What I won’t do as part of this challenge is to use the 500 words in my journal. That is separate and apart from this.
When will I write?
To paraphrase Paul Simon, “Words, words, words, see what’s become of me, while I look around for my possibilities”.
Why play with words? Why write?
Words—thoughts in the head, spoken, written— when strung together become a living entity. They color our world, forge relationships, tear down and mend connections. They help us interpret our world.
Why write? Why engage words in an intentional way?
For clarity: Writing down the words circling around in our head shines a light on them and shows them in a different way. You don’t have to keep an elaborate journal. However, if there is something gnawing at you; if there is something that is not clear; if there is a decision to be made, try writing it down. Sometimes the simple act of assembling the thoughts and transferring them to the page is all we need for things to become clear.
To integrate knowledge: When we want to learn something writing it down or writing about it can make a big impact on our learning process. Once again the process of pulling together the bits and pieces fuses them into an intelligible whole. The words and concepts will begin to make sense.
To impart knowledge: Often we need to explain what we know through the written word. Here the ability to toss the words down first and then go back and organize them goes a long way in helping us put together a cohesive piece. It is in the tossing and organizing—allowing for a crappy first draft—that we see the bigger picture come together and our readers receive the biggest benefit.
For fun, self-discovery, for pure enjoyment of the creative process, because the words are there. To write for fun, without being wedded to a particular outcome, is a joyful, creative act. To allow story to flow from unplumbed sources is magic. Allowing the pen to take us where it will is an excursion into imagination and bliss.
“Everyone is a writer. You are a writer. All over the world, in every culture, human beings have carved into stone, written on parchment, birch bark, or scraps of paper and sealed into letters—their words. Those who do not write stories and poems on solid surfaces tell them, sing them and, in so doing, write them on the air.”
So begins Pat Schneider in her book, Writing Alone and With Others.
How beautiful is this? And we have the capacity to do it! We have the capacity for gorgeous words and sparkling story. They are all already inside of us. They just need to be teased out, to be set free in our particular style and language. It’s freedom on the page or “on the air”.
Come relax into your words at a mini retreat for writers. Yes, that includes you! The Joy of Writing meets from 3-4:30 PM ET 4 Mondays starting March 27th. We gather on Zoom, a free video conference app. See what you can do when you cut loose and approach words with curiosity and wonder. Prepare to be amazed!
For more information and to register click here.
Everyone has tins in their home – some antique, some just old. They lurk in the pantry, garage, workshop, and closet. That round tin that held cookies as they snuggled together among frilly paper cups now houses spools of thread or letters or, well, more cookies. The coffee can full of stalwart stray screws and nails patiently waiting to come to your rescue. Or my tall, colorful Amaretti cookie tins that are the perfect size for a pound of linguine and nest comfortably with the tin of ziti or farfalle. Or the old coffee can my mother had from her father’s grocery store, almost 100 years old, full of years of buttons from old clothes, sewing projects, or spare buttons for dad’s dress shirts.
Mary McDowall and I were playing with ways to describe a KMI Master Mind™ and the role of the facilitator. So we decided to use one of the tools we use in our master mind and that we teach facilitators to use. Muse Popcorn is a brainstorming tool that takes a random object and asks what it has to do with the question or issue at hand. Ideas spontaneously pop out and generate other ideas that bounce off each other. Its fun, can be silly and takes you places that will surprise and delight you.
We asked “what does an antique tin have in common with a KMI Master Mind™?”
Ideas filled the air space like popcorn in a pot. Unique, multi-purposed, appealing, have stories, creative, colorful, a container to hold different things.
It was the container part that stuck with me. Those tins are strong, last a long time and keep things safe, fresh and intact.
Without leaps of imagination, or dreaming, we lose the excitement of possibilities. Dreaming, after all, is a form of planning. – Gloria Steinem
It’s THAT time of year. Yes, winter weather, holiday parties and the feeling of all things business taking a back seat for a few weeks.
At the same time my inbox is flooded with reminders and webinar invitations and online course suggestions to begin planning for 2017.
Actually, this is a really good time for planning. A softer time. As a coach who employs the principles of Kaizen I know I can do this in small steps. I’ve already begun asking myself small questions around how I want next year to look and what are things that will make it happen. And yes, a little dreaming, too.
When you are embarking on a new venture or in transition and exploring possibilities, does the distance between where you are and where you want to be feel like a great yawning abyss.?Back in March, in my blog “What Do You Ache For?” I referred to that abyss or gap as your creative play zone.
One area in the creative play zone that can trip you up is your selection of those with whom you choose to share those ideas and dreams. In the blog post I suggest that you be selective in your playmates. I said
“This is your playground and you get to make the rules. Consider holding at arm’s length those who will tell you what to do and how to do it. Hang a “keep out” sign for the ones who pass immediate judgment on a fresh, new idea. Be especially wary of the naysayers (as well as the well-meaning) who tell you it’s already been done or you’re too old or it’s too hard. NOT!”
The reality is that not everyone is interested or supportive. Your excitement about a creative goal can trigger reactions that have nothing to do with you and everything to do with someone else’s fears and negative belief systems. A new venture is vulnerable and even well-meaning friends and family can nip it in the bud.
In her book, The Artist’s Way, Julia Cameron calls them crazymakers. Jill Badonsky author of Nine Modern Day Muses and a Bodyguard, calls them creativity offenders for whom she recommends a bodyguard.
You know who they are, don’t you? The well-meaning friend who “doesn’t want you to take this the wrong way but…” The spouse or partner who wants 99.9% of your time. The voice inside you that says, “You want to do what? Who do you think you are?” or “Really? You should have done this years ago. It’s too late now.” Or, my personal favorite, “What will people think?”
The best playmates for your creative play zone are those who encourage you to heighten your awareness, trust your intuition, explore without judgement. Especially as you begin a new project, work, stage of life. In the beginning stages of the creative process let yourself be wide open to what excites you. Look up and connect with your divine, creative essence. Look inside for your own wisdom. Hang out in your fortress of imagination.
This is where a bodyguard can come to the rescue. Imagine your own protector – could be a superhero type, big and bold with an impenetrable shield. Give her a name, maybe even a story (have fun with it). Or, maybe there’s a real someone who encourages you, or a quote or a piece of music that energizes and inspires you and, when you call it to mind, makes you feel stronger and a little invincible. (Earth, Wind and Fire’s song Fantasy could get me leaping tall buildings!) How about an affirming phrase that picks up your chin and gives you resolve.
It’s not magic. In fact it is rather simple for all of us if, when we embark on a creative pursuit, we remember to:
There will be plenty of time to share and get feedback and any needed critiquing. But not in the beginning.
Tending your creative fortress and cultivating your creative play zone helps get you started. Getting started fortifies you. With fortification you can get momentum. Momentum breeds more strength. It’s a lovely upward spiral.
Contact me for help. Schedule a 45 minute discovery session and learn how coaching can tease out the creative spirit that enhances every part of your life – in the business world, in the studio, in your everyday life.
Life is a creative venture every day. Start creating the life that fits you best!
Years ago I had to take a big test. A six hour test. It was a newly required test, the first of several, for my job. It had been a while since I’d studied or taken tests and I knew that if I failed I would have another chance. But I didn’t want to plan for second chances. I wanted it to be one and done!
Oh, and this is long before online material and tutorials and study guides. It was paper. Lots and lots of paper. Paper that spilled over the tables and chairs in our small apartment. Paper that multiplied as I slept!
The test was the General Securities Representative Exam, also known as the Series 7. It would qualify me as a Registered Representative in the world of stock brokerage. That wasn’t my plan, but I needed this certification as a foundation for the manager tests that would follow. So I learned about bonds and stocks and margin and options and government debt. I could tell you all about IPO’s and syndicates and more than you’d probably care to know about things I can’t even remember now.
So why bring it up?
It was then that I realized how beneficial the act of thinking out loud was. I suppose I could have just talked to myself but it really helped to have a listening ear. Dear hubby was elected. I found that as I explained short calls and long puts and the difference between margin requirements and maintenance it became so much clearer to me. I found myself with questions to look up that hadn’t occurred to me before I’d regaled him with this exceedingly tedious material. I was able to make analogies to things I understood better. The material actually started to make sense and become part of my knowledge base rather than rote facts to remember until I hit the submit button at the testing center.
I learned that thinking out loud changes things. Hearing yourself ask a question allows for the possibility of more answers to emerge. Talking it through helps to integrate the ideas deeper and allows new ideas to form. Commitment and accountability go deeper
Every single person who has been a member of Your Creative Edge: A KMI Master Mind has cited this as one of the things that helped the most. They say that having someone mirror their thoughts back to them shifts their perspective. They tell us they had wrestled on their own with a particular goal or project and a KMI Master Mind made them feel connected and ready to take their next step. They found that the receptive, creative and compassionate ears of their fellow master minders let them feel more creative and be more compassionate with themselves.
How would being able to think out loud among a creative, compassionate group of people feel for you? That’s just one part of a KMI Master Mind that works hard for you.
There’s a 10 week Your Creative Edge: a KMI Master Mind starting April 18th. Find out more here. See what the others are talking about!
For years, when my family gathered music accompanied them. There were guitars and maybe a tambourine or maracas. A piano, a banjo? Sure, they were included when available. And there was always singing.
Certain songs were always on the playlist because 1) the musicians knew the whole song and 2) the rest of us knew all the words.
And whenever the music came out we naturally gravitated into a circle. (One of the regular songs was Harry Chapin’s Circle. “All my life’s a circle, sunrise and sundown.” It was one of those we could sing all the verses and add a little harmony.)
The right circles are inclusive and supportive. (Notice I say the “right” circles. Yes, there can be wrong circles but that’s not where I choose to focus.) Those right circles expand and contract as needed. The shape sustains the intention and perhaps the intention informs the shape. With my family we gathered close to listen and sing; we opened out to let others join.
Much is written about the power of the circle. As I contemplated writing this post I asked myself about the significance of a circle. I already had opinions. I went online to do some research. I was curious if there was any geometric strength in a circle. (Geometric shapes don’t have strength. Strength is a property of physical objects. OK…) I was curious about quotes on circles (found lots!). I found an article by a design firm discussing the meaning of shapes, the “grammar” of a circle. Of course, that piqued my interest. “What do you feel when you see a circle, square, triangle?” For instance, we are influenced by the universal color and shape of traffic signs. If you see an octagon what comes to mind? (Very good. You may proceed.)
Even in my yoga class, when there’s room, we arrange our mats in a circle. The energy changes.
And, as so often happens, synchronicity presented me with Madison Taylor’s article Uniting in Thought and Action: The Power of the Circle. One sentence that stood out for me in her article:
“People who take part in a circle find that their power increases exponentially while with the group.”
Yes. Exponentially. That says so well what I wanted to convey about circles; why I'm drawn to them and why I believe in their power.
Particularly, in an intentional circle.
At The Purple Ink Café we serve up guided circles where you can imbibe the energy of the gathered patrons in a virtual, yet extremely effective, setting. Very cool! There is a Writers’ Circle as well as a 4Rs Circle: Relax, Read, Review and Research. Click on the circle name to learn more and register for a current circle. Two low-cost, low-risk ways to find time to write and research. And learn to do it in a relaxed fun way. Aah…
What have you experienced in a circle?
Kathy Kane blogs about the creative process in the everyday, in writing and in the magical transition to the second half of life.
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